Macaulay Culkin in: Flat Doctors & Godspots

"Every doctor I see just ignores them," I told my hairdresser, Rhoda. "They're just in and out, like, 'Nope. I sure don't see anything wrong with the glowing damn spots all over this guy's skin.'" "Ain't you said anything to them yet?" Rhoda checked the evenness of my bangs. "The last guy I saw, I say, 'Don't you see these glowing freckles? At all?' and he says, get this, 'I think it's a very nice look for you,' and he's got me bounced out of there in a minute flat." "Pshh, shoot," Rhoda muttered. She gestured at me with her scissors. "Well, I tell you what. Tonight, if you head north of 12th Street, and you break into one of them vacant houses up there, you'll get a visit from the flat doctors. They ain't like these other guys. They're real creepy-like, but you'll get your results." "Just break in some old vacant? You sure this is legal?" Rhoda put the scissors in her apron and opened the cashbox on the counter. "Hell, I dunno. But they don't charge nothing." I grunted and fiddled with my bangs, which I later discovered were crooked.

I took the bus to 10th Street and jimmied the lock on the first back door I saw without blood on the threshold. A dirty gray couch in the living room was lit by the half moon outside the bay window. The rest of the house looked empty. "Can we help you?" A high, calm voice crept behind me. I spun around and the nothing was filled with three flat doctors turning to face me, turning into existence. "Ah, I see," said another with the same voice, only different. "You see them? Can you tell me what - what ARE these?" and I held out my hands, but I was asking about the spots on them, because I know what hands are. The first doctor leaned towards me. "They're godspots. You're slowly turning into heaven. Enjoy your humanity while it lasts." I flopped onto the couch. My spots began to glow with my despair, lighting the dust that exploded from the cushions. "So... there's no cure? This is permanent?" The third one shrugged. "Is God permanent?" The flat doctors chuckled and swiveled out of sight.

<<                      >>